She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
