I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think my tv is drunk
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
