I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
