I'm so fucking centered right now
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
