if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
