I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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