Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
