this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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