I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
