sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
