neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got inside last night via doggy door
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
