I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
