I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
