did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
