I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
