Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
