the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize