I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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