we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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