i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
