I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
