roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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