i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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