We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize