Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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