he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
