who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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