FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
