We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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