Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My liver just broke up with me...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
