He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
