i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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