alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
