my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
