If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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