The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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