areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
