dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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