just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He did a backflip because drugs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
