spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
