well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
