I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
