Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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