remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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