my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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