The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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