i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
