dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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