Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
