well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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