i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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