I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
