Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
