I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize