I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
