My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
