sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize