Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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