How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
