"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
