No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
