I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
