Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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