You can't motorboat a personality
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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