I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
