you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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